Hello it's been so long since the last time I came here. So how are you all? I'm so nervous for uni. okay, so high school is finally met its end and i just wanna share what i feel about it.
I wasn't a popular girl whether in middle school or high school. but at least I wasn't so nerd in high school like I was in mid school. there are a lot of changing in myself. like, my hair was curly in mid school, well actually it still is but i do my hair now. but i thank God for that, because if i did my hair since i was in mid school, maybe i would get lost in 'bad' ummm what do i call it? friendship? idk lol. I wasn't the girl who go to school wearing makeup, care about their look, wanna look hot so people can compliment me. I wasn't that girl. I was a very shy girl, I didn't talk with stranger or new people. I was in my comfort zone when i was in mid school. really. I only friends with people I want to and people who are forced to be friends with me, i mean like classmates. I know it sounds like racism but no, if i could be friends with any people, i would. but i just couldn't that time. i told you i was so shy.
then, it comes to high school. when i was a freshman, i still didn't do my hair. I came naturally (i didn't say i don't come naturally now). but my life's motto is still the same. 'do them good, so they will do you good. if they don't, at least you try. nothing's wrong with being good.' and i think it works, and it really works. not in term that they give it back, some yeah some no, you know. but they will have that feeling to feel sorry when it comes to something that breaks your heart. do you get me? they will have that feeling to make you happy, unless they are heartless. and i confess that there are many people like that, but trust me, always seek good in people because why? you just can't control them but at least you can help them fix their heart. i believe that in every human, there is a spot of kindness in the heart. it's human nature to have that.
okay, back to the topic. I can say that i'm surrounded by good people. we always have to think like that even though if it's not true. because why? because your mind speaks better. If you talk and you believe, you have a bigger chance for it to be reality. always think positive because it leads you to something good. trust me. I know people are rude, but who cares? you cant change it. but you can change the way you think about it. at least if you don't really care about it, it won't matter. people are mean but we can always be good. always try to be a good person, you'll be loved by many people.
so my high school was changing in time when i try to change myself. at first, there's this girl who came to my house, staying. she is so kind, she taught so many things, include doing my hair. since then i get used to it and until now. people say i look lovely with that.
in grade 11th, i get to know so many people. Alhamdulillah i got a chance to be friends with what people call 'highschool sweethearts' and be one of them. then i started to know how to communicate with people, to socialize. the point is, i get more... social? lol.
but the sad truth is that i'm sad to see there are many people who easily judge each others. who only friends based on the people they hang out with, the amount of money they have, the brand they wear, the car they use. it's just sad. people shouldn't be like that. but it's their life, the most important thing is, don't be like them. remember, do them good. no harm, no disadvantage. life is so beautiful when you're a good person. :)
NADIA NAJLA
"It’s weird like, you can see the cruelest part of the world. The cruelest part. But then on the other side you see the most beautiful part, do you know? And it’s like you go from one extreme to the next and they’re both worth it, because you wouldn’t see one without the other. But the cruelest part, is damn cruel and you’ll never forget it. But that heaven… is heaven."
Tuesday, 8 July 2014
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
A MISSION FROM A DREAM
Did you ever dream the same dream over and over again? what do you say when you wake up from it? and if you never experienced that, well I suggest you to listen to my story. lol.
Okay, so I had this dream. over and over again. before this morning, the memory was never there. but this morning, yes this morning in the birthday of my boy I remember the story. not all but at least I still can remember that.
So at first I was dreaming about musical drama that I'm gonna have in like two weeks. maybe that's because I practice a lot lol. then the drama turned.....
I was in a public place. it seemed like a court or something like that. I came there with a man. He was lovely, he got beards. it wasn't thick and that made him look hot lol. and there was this girl. she sat on a chair. I can tell she's probably in her 20s. I felt she's young enough. she was laughing so hard that I can consider she's crazy. beside her there was a painting. I told the man 'she must be crazy. what did she do?' and I couldn't remember what the man said but the point was she painted a painting that has something to do with his brother. I believe that it was illegal to paint a bad painting about someone or you know something like that. I didn't really understand actually but I was mad at her. I was madly in anger until I said that she deserved to die. but that man told me, she deserved justice.
then we came to this man's house. I couldn't find his brother but his brother's wife (I think). she was crying so hard.... she said something bad maybe worse than me or even worst. but we all were sad. it wasn't only me, that man and the woman in the house, there are like 2 others but I don't know who. the man was higher than me but I was in a higher place that time. we were standing next to each other. by the time passed, he embraced me tight and tighter until his head landed on my shoulder. he was really sad I can tell. it was lovely to have someone like him doing that to you. maybe he can't stand that sadness he saw in his brother's wife. he grabbed the painting tools beside the woman and I came to him I said 'what would you do?' I was worried of revenge. and I was right. he was going to paint a worse painting for the girl in court. I tried to stop him. I said 'no, dont. please just stop!' and we argued. he gave me that little devil laugh and said 'start with me? why?' 'because you found good in me' i answered. I was infected by Belle from 'Once Upon a Time'. I learned so much from her. he was looking deep in my eyes... it was beautiful.
then something bad happen... not that he tried to have the revenge but.. worse..
.
.
.
my mom woke me up to school. whenever I had that dream I always forgot the memory but this morning is different. I sat on my bed and had a short convo with myslef. I was asking things, you know. like, why did I have this dream again? what's the point? is it sleeping curse? i have no idea.
maybe I sound so much like someone in fairy tale but trust me I'm infected so much by 'Once Upon a Time'. sometimes i feel like it is possible to have them a.k.a the people in fairy tale in our land. and sometimes I wonder if it is actually happening, you know.
i was curious so i told my friends in school. one of them said that 'omg. it has similarity with samara from the ring.' because i dont know the movie so she told me the story. there was this little kid who always got the same dream. the dream was the clue. but then this person 'Samara' that she told is a ghost and Samara wanted to take that kid, died. I was like 'WHAT? ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT I AM A CONNECTION BETWEEN THAT MAN'S BROTHER?' i was in shocked because that could be true.
but I'm afraid it was just a clip from what I've read or watch. idk. but this morning when I woke up, I thought that maybe this is just like the idea of a massive success like the twilight saga. I kept thinking of it, even when I was bathing lol. it was terrifying to think about it tbh.
what should I do now? maybe you guys could tell me what you think of my dream? or maybe if you know or have heard something like this before, please tell me. im begging you...
Sunday, 15 April 2012
what goes around comes back around
Assalamualaikum semuanya Alhamdulillah saya bisa sharing lagi. Kali ini, saya bakal sharing tentang sedikit cerita saya pas UN tahun kemaren, berhubung besok UN buat tingkat SMA/SMK. Udah beberapa hari ini banyak kakak kelas yang lagi frustasi atau lebih ke tertekan mungkin jika saya boleh berasumsi, entahlah pokoknya Allah dan mereka yang lebih mengetahui. Kebetulan tadi, ada tweet yang bikin saya penasaran, dan saya mulai baca tweets nya, subhanallah sekali. Rasanya itu jadi teringat pas waktu UN, walau ga sama persis tapi mirip seperti itu.
Beberapa hari sebelum UN dimulai, kunci jawaban nyebar dimana-mana. Saya sama temen-temen kelas 8 ngebahas itu dan mereka gamau pake kunci, mereka mau jujur. Jujur aja, karena itu saya malu sendiri kalo saya pake kunci. Saya ga bilang saya ga dapet kunci, saya dapet kok, entah dari sms atau dari temen, yang pasti banyak lah pokoknya, asa semua orang teh punya kunci. Pas hari pertama, bahasa Indonesia. Kunci banyak lah yang nyebar, tapi saya masih ga pake. Pas hari kedua, masih ga pake. Pas hari ketiga kalo gasalah, pokoknya pas matematika saya nyimpen kunci, tapi itu juga dengan hati yang bersalah dan saya gatau harus gimana dengan kunci itu, saya diajarin nyimpen kunci, tapi tetep aja saya takut buat nyontek. karena ketakutan saya itu, saya hanya menyimpannya di saku, mau dibuang, takut ga aman. Saya bukan pecontek handal. Bukan maksud saya membanggakan diri atau apa, tapi saya ingin semua cerita saya ini bisa bermanfaat bagi siapapun. Saya ingin pengalaman ini dijadikan pelajaran bagi kita semua.
Saya ga tau harus nyimpen dimana jadi saya simpen di saku aja kuncinya, bukan maksud pake tapi jaga-jaga aja (sama aja ya? haha). Kan saya sibuk ngitung tuh, tapi rasanya pengawas itu matanya ngeliatin saya mulu, saya juga jadi salting ya diliatin, eh pas gitu, bapak itu dateng ke saya dan diem di depan saya bertanya ‘mana kartunya?’ ternyata saya lupa nyimpen kartu diatas meja, kartu itu masih ada di saku saya alhasil saya keluarkan kartunya dan si bapak itu masih diem di depan saya untuk beberapa lama. Bukannya kembali duduk, beliau malah pindah ke sebelah saya, yang ada dipikiran saya saat itu ‘mungkin karena saya ngontretnya riweuh jadi beliau pingin liat saya ngotret kali ya?’ ya seperti itulah kurang lebih. Ya saya tetep aja ngotret, sampai akhirnya beliau bilang ‘apa itu?’ posisi duduk saya langsung mundur, liat ke kolong dan mempersilahkan beliau mengambilnya. Beliau mengambilnya dan dilihatlah sekeliling kertas itu siapa tahu mungkin ada ‘abcd’ atau semacamnya. Kamu tahulah maksud saya. Tapi ternyata, itu hanya kertas gambar biasa. Saat itu, pas saya mempersilahkan beliau mengambilnya, jujur aja agak kesel diliatin dan dicurigain, pas mundurin badan juga sama muka poker face yang kesel dan pas beliau tahu itu cuman kertas gambar biasa, dan dimasukin lagi ke dalem kolong, rasanya itu like a boss banget lah. Rasanya itu kaya ‘tuh kan aku kasih tau dari tadi jangan curiga ke aku, that’s not gonna work out for me’ rasanya itu puassss banget. Sejak hari itu, aku gamau nyimpen kunci, walau aku gapake dan walau jaga-jaga.
Bukannya mau sok suci atau sok jujur dan sebagainya tapi aku coba buat jujur ke diri aku sendiri. UN itu 3 tahun sekali loh, UN diadain buat nguji kemampuan kita, percuma dong kalo kita membohongi diri kita sendiri dengan memakai kunci jawaban, Iya ga?
Kalo buat sebagian anak SMP tingkat akhir, kayanya SERU3 itu seperti SNMPTN buat anak SMA tingkat akhir. Mau cerita juga nih tentang itu hihihi.
Masuk SMA 3 itu mimpi aku dari kelas 5 SD, waku itu aku ga terlalu mikirin masuk SMP mana, yang penting bisa masuk SMA 3. Kalo inget itu, jadi sedih sendiri tapi ya gpp deh. Karena keinginan itu udah ada sejak SD jadi kalo ditanya mau masuk SMA mana pas SMP, ya jawabannya SMA 3. Gatau kenapa, dulu itu terobsesi banget buat masuk 3, sampe sampe aku ngeprint ukuran HVS logo SMA 3 dan simpen dikamar, dipajang. Ceritanya buat bikin motivasi ke aku. Aku les kesini kesitu buat masuk 3, ya sampe akhirnya tesnya dimulai dan hingga akhirnya beres juga. Pas udah seru3 itu rasanya plong banget, ga ada yang mesti dipikirin kecuali hasil UN dan hasil seru3.
Suatu hari, di twitter orang-orang pada sibuk katanya seru3 hasilnya udah ada, pas dicek eh iya bener ada. Pas aku check hasil aku, jawabannya ‘maaf,….. terima kasih telah mengikuti seru3’ yang artinya saya harus bersabar. Ga ada kata gagal, yang ada itu berhasil dan bersabar. Pas liat itu, saya langsung ketawa sendiri, dalam hati ‘aduuuh aku ga keterima gimana dong’ sambil ketawa ehh taunya pas papap buka pintu kamar ‘nad gimana hsilnya?’ saat itu juga, hati aku hancur. Rasanya itu kaya expektasi orang tua yang besar ke kita dan kita hancurin semua itu. Kita ngecewain mereka. Aku jawab ‘ga keterima pap’ dan dari situ aku liat muka papap yang pasrah dan bilang ‘ohh yaudah atuh gappa. Terima aja ya, Allah mah tau yang terbaik buat kamu nad. Yang sabar aja, mungkin bukan ini jalan yang terbaik’ mungkin kedengerannya biasa aja tapi kalo kamu ada diposisi saya saat itu, hati kamu itu kaya gelas yang pecah. Kamu mungkin bisa ngebenrinnya, tapi tanda bahwa itu pernah pecah akan selalu ada di gelas itu. Aku hibur diri aku, aku liat info orang lain, ada yang keterima ada yang engga. Temen aku, temen les aku satu satunya buat masuk 3, dia lolos. Hati aku saat itu kaya gelas yang udah pecah dan lagi diperbaiki tapi tiba-tiba ada sesuatu yang bikin dia rapuh lagi dan tambah rapuh. Dia nanya ‘gimana nad masuk ga?’ aku bilang engga. Terus temen les kau yang lain nanya ‘najla gimana masuk engga?’ aku bilang engga, tapi dia bilang Alhamdulillah, aku terangin itu serius dan dia minta maaf. Hal itu bikin aku tambah deket ama Allah, aku nangis sama Allah, ngadu semuanya, minta dikuatin, minta dikasih yang terbaik.
Sampe akhirnya hasil UN dibagiin, dan Alhamdulillah aku masuk 10 besar tingkat sekolah. Pas waktu dibagiin kan ngambilnya sama mamah, aku kaget aku masuk 10 besar, setahu aku nem aku ga besar. Pas mamah liat aku, mamah nangis dan langsung cium aku, katanya aku masuk 10 besar. That was the best feeling in the world. Mama kira nem aku 38, eh taunya pas diliat 36,05. aku masuk 10 besar itu, kebantu sama nilai UAS aku, Alhamdulillah aku masih bisa masuk 10 besar juga. Pas liat, nem aku 36,05 dan aku pikir ‘duh mau masuk kemana kalo gini? Sma 3 ga mungkin nerima nem segini’. Pupus lah harapan pada saat itu, ditambah nem orang lain yang mayoritas 38 37 dan 36 koma gendut bikin saya tambah tertekan mau melanjutkan sekolah kemana. Temen-temen saya yang nemnya lebih kecil dari saya, mereka ga putus asa, mereka coba jalur prestasi. Hal itu yang bikin saya bangkit kembali. Saya juga coba jalur prestasi, saya pilih SMA 22 dan Alhamdulillah diterima tapi temen saya yang bikin saya semangat buat pake jalur prestasi, dia ga lolos. Saya jadi sedih kalo nginget itu, masalahnya dia itu bukan orang ece-ece, dia ikut olimpiade matematika, nem dia 35 koma dan dia belum bisa diterima lewat jalur prestasi.
Pas dapet nem, dia bilang ke saya ‘udah nay, gpp yang penting kita udah jujur. Jujur itu lebih mahal daripada segala hal’ saya ga nyesel kok berbuat jujur, karena saya tahu suatu saat pasti kejujuran itu berbuah dan saya dapat menikmatinya. Mungkin saya belum bisa dapet nem gede, mungkin saya belum bisa masuk SMA 3, tapi satu hal yang saya ga akan lupakan dari pelajaran ini adalah kejujuran. Kejujuran mungkin bisa bikin kamu sedih satu moment, tapi percayalah suatu saat, cepat atau lambat kejujuran yang kamu tanamkan dalam dirimu akan berbuah dan kamu dapat menikmatinya.
Hidup itu bukan tujuan akhir, tapi hidup itu perjalanan menuju tujuan akhir, tinggal bagaimana kita menyikapinya dengan baik atau buruk.s
“Bagi manusia ada malaikat-malaikat yang selalu mengikutinya bergiliran, di muka dan di belakangnya, mereka menjaganya atas perintah Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak merobah Keadaan sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka merobah keadaan yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri. dan apabila Allah menghendaki keburukan terhadap sesuatu kaum, Maka tak ada yang dapat menolaknya; dan sekali-kali tak ada pelindung bagi mereka selain Dia.” (Ar Ra’d:11)
Jangan takut berbuat jujur, mungkin jujur itu bisa memasukkan kamu ke lubang yang kecil, lubang yang tidak kamu nginkan tapi lubang itu terang dan kamu dapat dengan mudah melalui lubang itu. Jika kamu masuk lubang itu, bersyukurlah karena tidak ada yang lebih baik daripada bersyukur. Bersyukur, ikhlas, sabar dan tawakal membuat segala hal terasa lebih ringan. Allah memberi kamu apa yang kamu butuhkan, Dia lebih mengetahui dari apa yang kamu ketahui.
Sekarang, saya ga akan terlalu mengharapkan banyak, tapi saya akan berusaha semaksimal mungkin, membuat saat ini lebih indah. ekspekstasi yang besar membutuhkan usaha yang besar pula. You can’t go back and undo your past, all you have to do is make the present beautiful. Be true to yourself, thank God and always remember God never tests us up to our limit. He is fair. He knows the best for you. remember, what goes around comes back around J
Thursday, 5 April 2012
I am not a basic, I am the bomb
Assalamualaikum! Akhirnya bisa meluangkan waktu juga untuk menulis sedikit cerita lagi disini. Semoga cerita kali ini dapat menginspirasi kita semua. Aamiin J
Gini ceritanya, pas hari senin, guru masuk kelas seperti biasa. Pas udah duduk, guru tersebut bilang ‘kumpulkan pekerjaan kelompok kalian’ aku langsung ‘aduh gimana ini materinya ga kebawa’ pas kita udah duduk bareng, dan guru itu nyamperin ‘mana tugasnya?’ aku kasih tugas aku, katanya mana judulnya? Aku buka lembar sebelumnya ‘ini bu’ kata ibunya ‘siapa yg suruh bikin judul di belakang? Kan tabel nya juga disini’ okedeh aku langsung tulis judulnya. Ibunya bilang lagi ‘apaan ini? Lanjutannya mana? Kelompok kalian kan dikasih 5 sub bab’ ‘iya bu, emang bener tapi setahu aku table ini itu mencakup semuanya. Yang aku tau dulu kaya gitu bu’ ‘siapa yang bilang?’ aku gamau mulai drama, aku diem aja nunggu ibu pergi. Eh taunya ibu ngejelasin ‘ini tuh bukan gini. Saya bilang bikin 5 tabel berbeda kan udah dikasih tau masing masing judulnya’. Dan akhirnya ibu pun pergi. Kita diem, rasanya pingin bilang kalo tugas ini gak salah masalahnya ibu nya itu rada rudet, kalo missal bikin tabel juga harus (sebenernya ga harus sih, Cuma gamau bikin pusing aja) sesuai sama yang diperintahkan.
Kita diem disitu, aku mulai emosi tapi gaboleh emosi, aku paksa diri aku buat ga males dan ngehadapin semua itu jadi aku mulai kerjain, browsing. Karena keraguan aku, aku nanya ke ibu ‘bu, kalo misal aku copy tabel bagian ini ke tabel yg lain gimana? Boleh ga bu?’ ‘boleh atuh da itu mah sama’ dengan nadanya yang khas dan bikin saya istighfar ‘kalo misal yang hadits hadits ini boleh ga bu? Soalnya kan kalo hadits agama itu agak mencakup semuanya, jadi boleh sama ga bu?’ ‘kamu ini gimana sih, ya beda lah. Masa perkelaihan pelajar sama masyarakat sama? Hukuman nya sama gitu?’ uhhh kalem dong bu, saya cuman nanya. Rasanya sakiiiit banget. Pas kembali ke tempat duduk, saya terdiam merenungi kata kata tadi, emang sih kata katanya biasa aja, tapi kalo jadi aku, pasti sakit. Rasanya tuh kaya diteriakin ‘kamu gapunya otak?’ emang sih ga gitu juga cuman kasarnya itu seperti itu. Dimarahin depan kelas buat aku ga masalah, tapi yang jadi masalahnya itu adalah kata-katanya. Lidah itu tak bertulang tapi bisa lebih tajam dari pisau yaaa. Ironic.
Pas balik ke tempat duduk, temen kelompok pada nanya ‘gimana nay?’ aku diem aja, ‘katanya…..’ aku gakuat ngelanjutin dan langsung nangis. Temen yang tadi nemenin aku ngehadap ibu bilang ‘ihh jangan nangis. Kasihan tadi marah-marah ibunya padahal kan kita cuman nanya, kita nanya nya baik baik lagi’. Aku gaboleh nangis. Itu yang ada di benak aku saat itu. Aku coba nguatin diri aku, aku tahan semua air mata tapi air mata tetep maksa buat jatuh. Tiba-tiba aku denger suara ibu dibelakang aku, aku gangerti dia ngomongin apa, temen-temen pada bilang ‘jangan nangis nay. Jangan galau’ aku bilang ke mereka untuk berhenti bilang itu, aku ga mau ibu tau. Aku gamau kelihatan lemah depan beliau. Siapapun yang ngeliat aku nangis itu orang beruntung. Buat aku, air mata itu pantang jatuh.
Aku mulai berhenti nangis, dan mulai mengerjakan tugasnya. Aku tersenyum supaya orang lain ga mikir aneh-aneh. Aku browsing, dan entah gimana kayanya ibu nyepet aku atau gimana tapi aku denger ‘megang hape hape gitu lah’ aku ga denger perkataan tepatnya, aku focus ke hal yang aku lakuin saat itu.
Dan akhirnya ada halo halo isinya pengumuman pulang tapi suaranya amat kecil hingga tak terdengar. Halo halonya 2 kali dan ibu tidak mempedulikan itu. Anak-anak laki pada bilang ‘pulang ya? Pulang ya?’ ibu langsung ‘sok sana yang mau pulang mah’ tiba tiba ada anak x-3 beri salam ke ibu dan ibu nanya ‘kenapa pulang?’ katanya tadi ada pengumuman. ‘pengumuman tadi tuh nyuruh pulang kali ya’ temen segroup aku langsung jawab ‘iyaaaaa bu!’ dengan nada kesel. Itu sedikit ngehibur aku, aku ketawa disitu.
Buat aku, ga ada air mata yang jatuh sia-sia. Aku pantang menangis. Air mata aku lebih banyak buat Allah. Aku gamau orang liat aku lemah karena aku ga lemah! Aku bukan permpuan cengeng yang complain tentang semua hal. Aku cerita segalanya sama Allah, walau aku tau Allah udah tau itu semua tapi rasanya itu kalo udah cerita ama Allah, semuanya getting better. Walau aku gabisa liat Allah, yet tapi aku tau Allah itu ada disamping aku, Allah itu teman terbaik. Allah selalu dengerin cerita aku. Allah selalu liat aku nangis tiap aku mohon ampun-Nya. Air mata ini bercucuran depan Allah.
Aku gamau ada orang yang nagnggep aku lemah atau ngeremehin aku. I am the bomb! I can break this silence. Beg my language but im not a basic bitch. I wont give up easily. Aku bukan tipe orang yang kalo dijatuhin sama orang langsung terkapar lemah tak berdaya. Sekalinya ada yang bikin aku sakit hati, dia juga yang bikin aku lebih kuat. Aku bukan tipe orang yang mengeluh akan segala hal. Aku bukan tipe orang yang suak mengumbar-umbar kesedihan aku ke orang lain buat dapet perhatian. Aku bukan anak mamah yang kurang perhatian yang nyari perhatian melalui masyarakat. Bukan, itu bukan aku.
Aku tipe orang yang kalo jatuh ke jurang bisa berdiri lebih tegap. Semakin dalam jurang itu, semakin tegap aku berdiri. Silahkan berlaku jahat, ga akan saya halangin dan saya ga akan balas dendam. Saya akan buktikan kalau kata-kata menyakitkan yang telah keluar dari mulut anda itu bisa membangunkan saya akan buaian dunia. Semakin saya tumbuh dan berkembang, semakin saya tahu bagaimana karakter orang. Tidak semua orang baik, nice people are like music, hard to find. You can find music everywhere but they are cheap.
I am the bomb so watch out. I'm gonna make you regret what you did to me. I can make everything better. The world is on my hand so you better sit the f down.
You made me cry. I’ll prove you that the tears can make me more alive. Please mark my words that I’ll make you regret for making me cry. Thanks for making my shine shiner than before. Thanks.
and for you, please note this; i dont want to see you cry because of something you think you cant do but if you wanna know, you have the world on your hand why cant you do such a thing like that? stop complain and start doing things. if someone makes you cry, dont let them see your tears. they are not even worth the tears. show them that you're not weak and nothing can make you down. make them regret making you cry. you cant have rainbow without a little rain, right? so just go ahead and believe me you can do everything unbelievable. you're more than what you think. believe me, you can change the world.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
True friend is like Diamond
We all have friends, right? the fake and the right one. Oh yeah, some people have 2 faces too. Tonight i feel like I'm going to share my story to you guys. So here's the story..
Let me introduce myself first I'm almost 16 and I'm a high school student. It's hard to leave the junior high school but we have to move on, the life must go on. I still grow up and in that period of time, I’m learning how people live like how they response, give attention, and everything. I found some nice people on my junior high school, they are just really nice. I realize that everyone can socialize but not everyone can fit to the others. I feel like those nice people fit with me, however we still argue but they fit me most unlike the others. Let me tell you about us. We were at the same class, and the people were like the A+ people of school. You know what I mean. I’m not really smart though hahaha. First, its hard to get know the others, there’s always a feeling that makes me worried like ‘are they really nice or just trying to be nice?’ and something like ‘are they trying to be fake?’ you know when smart people are around you, you may think that you’re stupid. At first, I didn’t understand their joke like its really lame but its funny if we know the meaning. I grew up with them and it makes my joke hard to understand for other people. Sometimes when I tell people a joke, they must be like ‘what are you talking about?’ then I explain and they still confuse so I’ll tell them ‘its really funny. You don’t need to understand, just laugh with me.’ I know I sound desperate but it’s true! I knowwwww it’s a shame but I see that as ability. And sometimes people don’t laugh at my joke, they laugh at me because I’m lolling like a freak. Ikr.
We created so many memories. We made lesson fun. Math, science, social education, etc we made them fun. The condition of the class is just the way soooo good for studying. It’s so quiet and if we talk, we talk about the lesson we don’t understand, but we’re still teenager, when the teacher didn’t come we sneaked out to the canteen. Actually we didn’t sneak out, we acted like its normal situation. sooo many stories about this class.
This is a lovely class. In this class I found so many characters of nice people. I feel like they are all nice, some are just too nice. It’s such an honor to get to know them. They really made me think that not all people bad, I can relate to some people and really fit in. They made my mind set that I have to be good to everybody. If you treat people nice, they’ll give it back. And now..
It feels that I’m on the ground. I was at the sky with them then I have to go on to the earth and get through life, the wild one. Life was the way so nice with them, it’s really hard to say goodbye. In this planet called earth, I still learn how people live like what I said. I’ve told you that they made my mind set. In this high school life, I try to be nice to everybody but why some of them just can’t give it back? They are around when they need me but they are nowhere found when I need them most. They only take advantage of me and it hurts, really hurts. I thought people are nice but I’m wrong, I should change my mind set again, that not everyone is nice some people just want more without give something. That’s not gonna work out for your life.
I socialize with all people, the popular, the geek, just to find the right people to be friends with. I know we shouldn’t discriminate in friends but I don’t think I do I mean we have to be friends with all people but we can take some to be friends forever. Let me tell you about my conservation.
The popular people. They are nice, they taught me to interact with friends, they taught me fashion but some of them are egoist, like really egoist. We have to wait for them but they won’t wait for us. Its really unfair, right? And some of them take advantage of me in lesson. They want to be my partner but they don’t want to do a thing. I can’t say no and that’s my problem it seems easy to say ‘no I cant do that’ or ‘sorry but I’m busy’ but I don’t want to lie, I can do everything, the world’s on my hand but some thing are not made only for me like the group assignments, we have to do that in group but they are lazy. They may help but just you know tiny thing but I appreciate any of that.
The geeks. People may think they are boring, but I don’t think so. The smart people are hard to understand but they can be really fun if you do. They are nice but they don’t talk much so if Im with them I feel like I am the tongue hahaha it makes shame if I talk too much with them. They are really smooth and they are good partner in group. Some of them are shy to show their ability, they are smart but they don’t have ability in speaking and socialize with others. I can take the leader position and make something really good if I have a good partner. Unlike with the lazy, I only can make something that I think ‘enough’ because in the group of lazy people no one can think more and give me something to think about. If they give something, I really appreciate.
Time flies and now I found out who they really are. This is my opinion. I got freedom of speech though.
What do you feel when someone kills you from the back? what do you feel when life knocks you down and don’t have anyone to lean on? What do you feel when it feels like the end of the world? What do you feel? Tell me what you feel. It must be hurt, right? How if the nice people turn into a slut? How if the people you trust become a liar?
You know you treat people nice but they don’t give it back and it hurts. How if they have 2 faces? They are nice at first but then become the one who makes your feel worst? How? How could some nice people become bastard? How if the nice people make you cry at the end? How if the nice people don’t know how to treat you right?
I wonder why we have to live in this world full of drama. Why do people being 2 faces? How could the people you trust hurt you, I mean you treat them right but why don’t they give it back? I feel like I always give the best for them, but then they betray me. I have many friends but I feel so alone. I don’t have someone to carry on. I don’t think that I have to win everything because sometimes we just have to fail to feel how it feels and to be a better person.
Why are people so fake? Why do they betray me? Did I do something wrong to them? Which one? Speak your mind! Nowadays, I feel people stay away from me. Everyone. What did I do? Am I hurting them? In which way? Why don’t they just tell me? They’re afraid of hurting myself? But it hurts most when you hear someone doesn’t like you and tell it to other people, maybe they don’t mean to make my reputation bad but they actually do. Just because I don’t talk doesn’t mean I don’t know, sometimes I better keep it in my own self. I know that’s not gonna make the situation better but it makes you stronger and it gives you lesson.
I try to treat people nice to make them treat me they way I do. If I were them I’ll treat the nice people nicely. They are nice to me, why don’t I just be nice to them? But now the lesson learned. Not all people good. Some of them just want to make you bad, some of them want to make you down. There’s always a person who will do everything to make your life pathetic.
God, I’m sorry for all the tears I know I shouldn’t cry because you never test me up to my limit. I know I don’t have to complain because you’ve given me so many things I need. I just can’t thank you enough for everything. Thanks for always be there for me and you are the best to lean on. May I ask? Sorry if ask too much but I’m confuse of this heartache. Please give me strength to get through this, I know I can do this, please give me strength and power. Don’t let anger and revenge control myself. Please make me a better person. I’m tired of being too nice to people that I can’t say no. please give me that power to say no. I know we have to help others but why don’t they help me when I need them most? Why they are so hard to find when I have no one to carry on? Why God?
By the way, thanks God you always make me a better person. It’s such an honor for me that you think I can handle all this things. When life knocks me down, it’s the best time for me to down on my knees and pray. Pray is the best thing I can do. I talk to You in my prayers. Thanks for always listening and give advice although You don’t talk but You do make the situation better. Thanks... I cant thank you enough..
And for those people who hurt me, listen. I don’t trust easily if I trust you please note this; don’t make me regret the trust I give to you. But now, you’ve hurt me and it really hurts. You know you cant really bandage the damage, you cant fix a heart. Heart is like mirror, if you broke it, you may can fix it but it won’t be the same, there’ll be the broken line. I may forgive, but sorry I may not forget that. The pain you’ve made in me, it will last forever. You made yourself a bad reputation so enjoy that! God is fair. Karma exists and you will pay for what you did to me. By the way thanks for making me cry and love God more. You made me realize that not everyone nice and you also taught me that I can do everything unbelievable. So.. thanks and I will always be the same, just a better person.
Friday, 10 February 2012
diamond's love to a mother
Assalamualaikum..
Aku pengen share tentang kejadian yang dialami tadi sepulang les. Pas naik angkot, ga lama kemudian ada ibu, anak dan cucunya naik juga. Mereka bawa 2 kardus, gede dan berat kelihatannya. Pas pertama sih biasa aja, akunya juga ga terlalu merhatiin mereka pas tiba-tiba si anak nyerongot gitu lah. Pas didenger lagi, ternyata gatau kenapa kayanya mah ada masalah atau apa, tapi aku ga ngerti. Jadi, si anak pengen turun di terminal soalnya dikira dia angkotnya bakal muter dulu sebelum ke rumah, ibunya ga mau turun di terminal, pengen di perempatan soalnya kalo turun di terminal nanti harus nyebrang dan naik angkot lagi, padahal bawaannya berat. Gini nih kurang lebih percakapan yang sempet aku denger :
‘udahlah neng (saya) turun di terminal aja, jauh mah’
‘engga neng, ga jauh. Lebih jauh kalau turun di terminal, harus nyebrang lagi. Mana bawa barang berat gini’
‘udahlah da sama aja sama neng dibawaainnya juga. Jauh mah kalau ngikutin jalur ini. Muter’
‘engga neng, ga muter, enak turun di perempatan’
‘ehhhh dibilangin jauh teh, ga mau percaya. Sok ajalah mamah turun di perempatan, neng turun di terminal’
‘jauh neng, jauh. Percaya’
‘mamah udahlah diem aja, kalo mamah mau turun di perempatan silahkan aja, neng mau turun di terminal pokoknya’ katanya sambil dorong lutut mamahnya
‘neng, di kasih tau ga muter, nurut. Kalo neng turun di terminal, sama aja neng nyapein mamah. Ini udah ujan, harus nyebrang, bawa bawaaan berat. Bisa ga nurut?’
‘ya sok aja mah kalo mamah mau turun di perempatan, neng mau turun disini’ pas mau turun, ibunya bilang ‘bayarin ongkos mamah kalo neng mau turun disini’ kata anaknya dengan mata sinis kaya orang ga suka ke seseorang ‘ihhh ya bayar sendiri sendiri lah’ astagfirullah. Jadi aja, si ibunya ikut turun terus tiba-tiba kata si emang angkotnya ‘ga jauh neng, ga lewat jalur siang kok. Langsung pergi, ga muter dulu’ langsung mamahnya bilang ‘tuh kan dibilangin teh. Makanya nurut sama orang tua’ anaknya jawab ‘yaudah kalo mamah mau naik, silahkan aja, ga ngelarang’ sebenernya sih kalo kata aku, si anaknya malu kalo naik angkot lagi.
Tragis banget ceritanya. Aku bukan seorang yang pandai menceritakan sesuatu, tapi percaya deh kalo missal kamu ada disitu, kejadiannya lebih tragis dari yang diceritan tadi. Aku nyadar, diri aku sendiri aja masih suka rudet sama mamah, tapi ga segitunya juga dan ga di tempat umum kaya gitu. Pas denger perdebatan mereka, aku istighfar terus, gimana bisa gitu seorang anak sebegitu jahatnya ke seorang ibu yang melahirkannya coba? Tragis. Sungguh tragis. Dan yang bikin lebih tragisnya itu, anaknya itu bukan ABG labil, tapi seorang ibu-ibu. Ga ngerti lah ya dia udah punya anak apa belum, tapi yang jelas, anak yang aku kasih tau sebagai cucu itu bukan anaknya si ibu yang marahin ibunya itu, anak itu bilang bibi (tante) ke ibu yang marah tadi.
Mari kita muhasabah deh. Seberapa banyak kita memarahi mamah kita? Seberapa banyak mulut ini bilang ihh, ahh, ehhh ke mamah kita coba? Mungkin sebagian dari kita sekarang lagi baca ini di rumah, sekarang apakah kamu tau mamah kamu diamana? Lagi kerja? Lagi tidur? Atau lagi masak? Gimana coba kalo misal, terakhir kali kamu ketemu mamah kamu itu juga terakhir kali mamah kamu ngeliat kamu? Giamana kalo pas moment itu, mamah kamu menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya? Gimana kalo ternyata mamah kamu udah ga ada sekarang? Gimana kalo ternyata kamu bentar lagi dapet sms atau telfon yang ngasih tau kalo mama kamu udah ga bisa bernafas lagi? Gimana coba? Apa hal yang udah kamu kasih? Apakah kamu udah bisa bikin mamah kamu senyum dan bangga dengan kamu? Apakah pernah mamah kamu memberitahu kehebatanmu ke teman-temannya? Atau hal yang kecil aja deh, apa kata yang terakhir kamu bilang ke mamah? Apakah itu sesuatu yang membuatnya tersenyum atau malah membuatnya sakit hati dan murung? Jangan pernah sia-siakan kesempatan yang kamu punya. Sekecil apapun itu. Love your parents no matter how bad the situation is, no matter how they do everything wrong. They are not on our age, remember that you shouldn’t feel embarrassed to have them. They are your parents and it’s not any of people’s business. God is fair.
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